No such thing as “bad” kids

Bouncing off of last week, I reflected a lot this week on a quote that I heard from Dr. Wayne Dyer, “Change what you see, and what you see changes.” I find this quote holds true in every aspect of life. Every day I hear comments about people wanting to change things – better children, more money, bigger house, more considerate husband, less traffic, nicer weather, new boss, and on and on it goes. These comments all come from a negative outlook, one filled with lack. Year in and year out people make goals to change the world around them. And fail to reach their goals. Or, reach their goals but still remain unhappy. And strive for something else because if they could just get that (whatever that is), will make them happy.

I could spend weeks on this topic. And might still. But for now, it reinforces my thoughts last week. Remembering to see through my children’s eyes. Remembering their little Neanderthal brains when they are upset. Despite their incessant whining, I took a moment and changed how I saw my children. And, in that same moment, the entire situation changed before my eyes. I replaced my frustration with love. And they relaxed. And they loved back. The whining stopped. And was replaced by love. I changed what I saw, and the situation changed.

I have taken this lesson with me throughout the week. Traffic is definitely a sour spot with me. I left late one day and had a moment of dread, thinking of how long I’d be stuck in traffic. However, I told myself I was going to have a glorious drive into work. And guess what? I did. I made myself a hot tea to sip. I put in a motivational CD. I took notice of the reflection of the sunrise on the mountains. I waved to drivers who let me in and gave room to drivers to go ahead of me. I smiled. And miraculously, I didn’t seem to be stuck in traffic at all.

We can wake up dreading to go to work. Rush around the house and yell at the kids. Get to work flustered and miserable. Be annoyed by co-workers. Get stressed out by how much we have to do. Have a long, terrible day at work. Scream through the drive home. Yell at the kids some more and send them to bed without a book. Or, we can start the day with a smile, before we even get out of bed. Embrace our kids for that extra second before heading out the door. Acknowledge our accomplishments and productivity through the day. Be thankful for a safe drive home. Cuddle the kids for an extra second while making dinner. And maybe a few more before tucking them into bed.

I know what my choice is going to be. As a rule, I don’t believe there is such a thing as a “bad” child. Sometimes they may make poor choices, so I need to be the adult to help them make better choices next time. Having these sorts of beliefs definitely helps with staying grounded and thinking rationally myself. I know there will still be times when I get stuck, where I become irrational and frustrated myself. However, I have my new mantra to carry with me: “change what I see, and what I see changes.”