Back to school season can stir up worry long before the first day arrives.
Your child may start asking the same questions repeatedly. Who will my teacher be? Will my friends be in my class? What if I don’t know what to do?
Then come the stomach aches, tears, trouble separating, or outright refusal to go.
When you see your child struggling, your instinct may be to reassure them, solve the problem, or remove whatever is causing distress. That can bring relief in the moment. It can also prevent children from discovering something much more valuable:
I can feel anxious and still handle this.
This week on Overpowering Emotions, I’m sharing practical ways to help children prepare for school by building courage, body awareness, and confidence.
When the Brain Sounds a False Alarm
An anxious brain is very good at spotting uncertainty.
A child doesn’t know who their teacher will be, whether they’ll have a friend in their class, or what the first day will look like. Their inner advisor immediately starts predicting danger.
I sometimes call this voice “Catastrophizing Carla.”
Carla sees one little piece of uncertainty and starts sounding the alarm.
Trying to argue with that alarm rarely helps. Trying to force anxious thoughts or physical sensations away can make children pay closer attention to them.
I like to think of anxiety as a thunderstorm.
Fighting the weather does not change the weather.
Our job is to help children learn what they can do when the storm arrives.
Teach Kids to Notice Instead of Fight
The DNAV model gives children a helpful way to understand what’s happening inside them.
The Advisor is the inner voice making predictions and looking for danger.
The Noticer pays attention to emotions, physical sensations, sights, sounds, and other information without immediately judging them.
The Discoverer experiments, takes brave steps, and learns from what actually happens.
And Values and Vitality help children remember what matters to them. What kind of friend do they want to be? What kind of student? Who do they want to be when anxiety shows up?
The goal is to help children become flexible enough to shift between these spaces rather than allowing the Advisor to run the entire show.
Try a RAIN Check
When anxiety arrives, children can practise a RAIN check.
Recognize: Notice that the emotional storm has arrived.
Allow: Let the sensations exist without immediately trying to make them disappear.
Investigate: Become curious. Where is the feeling? Is it warm or cold? Tight or fluttery? Is it stronger on the left or right?
Note and nurture: Continue noticing what passes through the body and senses.
This keeps children engaged with what’s actually happening instead of getting pulled further into anxious predictions.
We cannot convince somebody else’s amygdala that there isn’t an emergency. Children need opportunities to gather that evidence themselves.
Turn School Preparation Into a Scavenger Hunt
One of my favourite back to school activities is a somatic scavenger hunt.
If you’re visiting the school before classes begin, turn that visit into a chance to practise. Choose four checkpoints around the school.
At the front doors, have your child notice the temperature and texture of the handle.
At the lockers, notice how their back feels against the surface and how their feet feel on the ground.
At their desk, have them sit in the chair and notice any butterflies, tension, or other sensations that appear.
At the water fountain, notice the temperature of the water and how it feels as they swallow.
The aim isn’t to prove that nothing uncomfortable will happen. You’re helping your child practise staying present when uncomfortable feelings appear.
Build Separation Confidence in Tiny Steps
For children with strong separation anxiety, starting small can make a big difference.
Sometimes I start with a timer set for only 10 seconds.
The adult leaves and returns exactly when the timer sounds.
Then perhaps it becomes 15 seconds. Later, 30 seconds. Eventually, the child learns something important:
When you say you’re coming back, you come back.
Predictability builds trust.
The length of time matters less than keeping your promise and gradually giving the child opportunities to tolerate longer periods of separation.
Reward Courage, Not Calmness
When using rewards, focus on effort and brave behaviour rather than whether your child appeared calm.
A child who stayed in the classroom for 10 minutes before wanting to leave did something courageous.
A child who remained in their bedroom longer than yesterday made progress.
A child who felt anxious and still tried deserves recognition.
Crying doesn’t erase courage.
Feeling scared doesn’t erase progress.
We don’t want children believing success means having no uncomfortable emotions. We want them discovering that uncomfortable emotions don’t have to decide what they do.
Create a Brave Plan Together
Some children benefit from having a written plan or contract.
Together, identify:
- the brave steps they’ll practise
- the worries or physical sensations they might experience
- what adults will and won’t do
- the boundaries everyone has agreed to
- how courageous effort will be recognized
A written plan can also help adults stay consistent when anxiety starts pulling everyone into another round of negotiation.
Instead of trying to solve the problem again, you can return to the plan you’ve already made together.
Confidence Comes From Experience
From an Anxiety Compass approach, capacity before skill matters here.
A child needs enough capacity to remain engaged with discomfort before a strategy can become useful.
That capacity grows through practice.
Every time children notice an anxious prediction, stay present with an uncomfortable sensation, and take one manageable brave step, they gather new evidence:
Maybe this isn’t an emergency.
Maybe I can handle this.
That’s the kind of confidence we want children carrying through the school doors with them.
Listen to this week’s episode of Overpowering Emotions for more practical strategies you can use to help children approach the new school year with courage.
Need help navigating your child’s emotions? Be sure to reach out to one of our psychologists today!
