Tag: behaviour management

Establishing Effective Consequences


In my last blog, I wrote about punishment and how it does not help teach our children anything of value. It only tends to increase the divide between us and them. However, punishment is very different from discipline, or establishing logical consequences. Consequences, when used properly after your child has made a choice (i.e., in behaving a certain way), can help to teach.

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Punishment Doesn’t Teach


Punishment. A tricky subject. I find that, more and more, parents have a hard time wrapping their heads around punishment. Or rather, not punishing their child. I often get a lot of push-back from parents about how their child has to be taught a lesson. That their child will otherwise “get away with it.” At the end of the day, punishment does nothing to teach our children. It may humiliate, frustrate, shame, upset, or demoralize our child. Punishment may fuel a child’s anxiety. Or dampen their self-esteem. It may even make a child resentful. Rather than thinking about what they did wrong and how to make it better, they may instead use that time brewing in anger and resentment and even thinking about how to seek revenge. I find punishment puts a wedge between us and our children. And punishment certainly does nothing to teach. Well, perhaps other than it is ok to yell, hit, or coerce others when they do not behave the way we want them to.

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Play time!

A few nights ago, my 3-year-old daughter said, “Mommy, you know my best present for Christmas? Being with you.” A few nights before that, my 7-year-old daughter grabbed me, gave me a hug and said, “I love you;” something she never does. It has been a peaceful, happy, relaxed household the past couple of weeks. Minor conflicts but lots of cuddles, laughter and overall love. An overall shift in our way of being as a whole.

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Neanderthal brains

I spent this past weekend at a hotel for my daughter’s ringette tournament. It was… well… chaos, to say the least. Little girls running around the hotel screaming, painting nails, painting banners, watching movies, exploding popcorn everywhere, and dunking each other in the pool; simply creating havoc everywhere they went. To add to the excitement, they severely lacked sleep. Which, of course, resulted in increased tears, whining, and general moodiness. Now, being exhausted myself and overwhelmed with the lack of work I was able to get done this weekend, I was to my limit.

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